Cold, Modern Brat

2006-07-18T18:58:00.000+08:00

The Smell of Disinfectant In the Air

2006-07-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

I have just been mopping floors and cleaning house - to the best of ability.
Which means that the house is infused with the smell of cleaning products. Which is making my stomach heave and my nose burn.
And Mina is making out with the broom.

Eh?

2006-07-05T18:59:00.000+08:00

The one thing I am always certain of is my own uncertainty.
Of course, there are fundamental principles which I adhere to which are steadfast - such as 'eating animals is wrong!' and 'right-wing politics suck!' and 'there is no such thing as a good steven seagal flick!', of these you can never be wrong. But when it comes to everyday, middle-of-the-road decisions I am like Charlie Brown screaming at the roots of the kite-eating tree.
I procrastinate, change my mind approximately eighteen times and end up pissing a lot of people in the process. I end up pissing myself off as well.
Eventually I make the decision, and then instantly begin thinking I have done the wrong thing. By this time the wheels are in motion and it is out of my hands, but the doubt remains.
They should have just replaced the whole brain two years ago.

Not Surprising

2006-07-04T20:32:00.000+08:00

You Are Tofu

Okay, so you aren't exactly meat. And that's fine with you. Even if people think you're a bit bland.
There's a good chance you're veg - and even if you aren't, you secretly think meat is gross.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

I am hardly bland, though. Oh, who am I kidding?

Dragging Out My Soapbox

2006-07-03T11:07:00.000+08:00

You can commence yawning now, or just let your eyes glaze over until I start raving about popculture again or something.
But I couldn't let this go. I have not watched Big Brother since it's first year, back when nobody really knew how much of a 'phenomenom' it was going to be and the uber-famewhores began auditioning (as compared to the mere wannabe-famewhores of the first season).
The whole situation over the weekend has let a really disturbing aspect of our society surface. Ever since two yobbos held down a girl in her bed and one of them slapped her face with his dick, there has been a division of opinion on what constitutes a joke, or humour, or what level of victimisation it is.
I am glad that I hang out with the people I do, because they don't share the mentality that it was just a laugh, or a practical joke, or that she was 'asking for it', which seems to be a popular consensus if you look at some polls or online forums.
What I find most disturbing is the response from the show itself. Sure, they evicted the guys, but man did it seem halfhearted. And host Gretel Killeen stating that they were great housemates and all-round nice boys, and oh it's all okay because Camilla isn't pressing charges.
Like she would! Could you imagine the response if she did? They are already tarring and feathering her, if it turned into a criminal investigation of these 'great housemates' the public opinion would turn against her even more. Once more the victim would be painted as the aggressor. Evil vagina, corrupting young men!
What strikes me dumb is that the victim of this is forced into the position where she is apologizing for the removal of the two men, and forced to make excuses for them. And to any guy who thinks it is merely a 'laugh', I really wonder if some man came up to you and rubbed his dick over your face if you would still laugh it off. I doubt it.
And Gretel, I don't care if you once told me over the phone that I had a great voice (and thanks, I still do, even if it's a voice and a face for radio) but for all your usual rantings in the media about how you're such a hardcore feminist and whatnot - you just sold a sister down the river in order to fulfill your contract as a corporate shill.
God I'm glad I don't watch this crap. Your blood doesn't boil as much when watching It Takes Two. Except when you wonder why the hell Sarah Ryan and Guy Sebastian are still in the race.

Heh

2006-07-01T14:53:00.000+08:00

Which Babylon 5 character are you most like?

You are Vorlon Ambassador Kosh. People find it very hard to get to know you; you don't seem to follow the ordinary rules. If you ever came out of your shell, you would probably amaze everyone.
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Pumpkin Pie Recipe

2006-06-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

I need some comfort food, so I have decided tomorrow I am going to make pumpkin pie. I am always losing the recipe, so am posting it here so it can be found far easily next time.

Ingredients:

1 unbaked pie crust
2 c. fresh pumpkin purée
1 can sweetened condensed milk
2 large eggs
1 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 tsp. salt

Directions:

Combine filling ingredients with mixer and pour into pastry shell. Bake for 15 minutes at 180 degrees then reduce heat to 120 degrees and continue to bake for 35-40 minutes longer until inserted knife comes out clean.

It is always essential to add the salt!
You would be amazed at the difference it makes to the taste.

Serve refrigerated, with cream.

There's A Shocker

2006-06-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

Which Shakespeare Character are You?

You are Hamlet, from the play Hamlet(duh)You are intelligent and feel things deeply.You look for someone who understands you and is able to help you find answers. Circumstances in your life cause you to hide what you really feel from others.
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Yikes

2006-06-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

I just right at this moment finished my 160th essay.
And you want to know the funny thing?
The first 90 of them I FUCKED up royally by marking them on the wrong scale and I have to redo them. And they are due tomorrow morning. Along with a written report on the results.
This is so going to be an all-nighter.
Hold me.

THE NEWS OF THE YEAR!

2006-06-23T12:16:00.000+08:00

HOLY FUCKING CRAP!
After many years of waiting, we are finally seeing the second season of Twin Peaks being released in November.
So... much... joy. Cannot... contain... self.
Will lock myself up in house with cherry pie and coffee, and not leave until all has been viewed. Close your eyes and you will burst into flame.

Nerds With Cash, 1; Networks, 0

2006-06-23T08:06:00.000+08:00

Futurama has officially been resurrected!
Now, onto Serenity 2! Although, sad to say, I think I have finally reached a point where I am at peace with Serenity being the true end of Firefly. As much as I love the 'verse, I really don't think we're going to see a continuation and at least we got a great movie out of it. Besides, Joss would have probably just ended up killing Kaylee or something to teach us a lesson about caring too much and then it would have been Tara in 2003 all over again.

Guest Post

2006-06-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

I'm cold. And sure, you've put on the fire for me and placed a cushion right next to it - apparently for my 'comfort' or whatever. You know what you should be doing. You should be sitting on the couch, providing natural body warmth for however bloody long I deem necessary.
But, no. You're sitting over in that cold corner by the window with a huge pile of bright green booklets in front of you. I refuse to feel sorry for you, you took this on. And I'm the one who is really suffering here anyway.
Look at me! I need attention! Running around and rubbing against your legs is getting me nowhere. What if I jump on the table? Hah, trying to push me away - like that's going to work. What if I play with this pencil sharpener? Look at how cute I am! Hee, you smiled! Whoops, there goes the sharpener over the edge! Oh, stop sighing, you bloody whiner. What if I just lie right across this paper you're marking?
Hey, you have no right to get narky! I'm the one being ignored! Ooh, yeah, right there, against the back of my ear. Ooh, milk to distract me! You know that's not going to last long.
What's that? You've finished your 'quota' for the day? Funny how it seems to coincide with the beginning of Neighbours. It will probably stretch into Home and Away as well, huh? Oops, I promised I would never reveal that dirty little secret, didn't I?
Sucker.

2006-06-21T10:49:00.000+08:00

Only ten essays done, and I'm already feeling like I will never be able to watch Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet again.

Need A Coffee IV

2006-06-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

I just picked up a stack of 160 essays this morning - marking hell has begun. Thank fuck I gave up the whole "no caffeine" jag.

2006-06-19T09:05:00.000+08:00

This may just be the BEST fan-made video clip ever!

And yet with all those glorious snippets, I think my favourite still has to be Anya in the bunny suit.

Speaking To Me, For Me - Directly

2006-06-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes song lyrics seem to be written specifically for you - it may even be a snippet of a certain song - but when you hear it, it owns you. It is you. When you sing along to that part you sing louder and with more passion than anything else in a long time.
Which is why I find myself in the early hours of this morning, dancing around my living room, yelling, bawling, creating my own war cry:

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now
But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around

Thank you, Dixie Chicks.

Political Knitting, Part 2

2006-06-18T13:13:00.000+08:00

It's perhaps fitting that I finished this piece while watching Andrew Bolt blather incomprehensibly about total and utter crap on The Insiders. I was disappointed while making it as it didn't seem to look like I imagined, but once I had finished and pulled all the loose bits together I have to admit I am pretty happy with the end results. (Please note, in my world "pretty happy" generally means 'ecstatic' according to the levels of other people).The pattern is from this nifty site. It's amazing what you can do in a weekend of no assignments or work committments.

The Semester Is Over, Baby, but It's Gonna Be That Way Again

2006-06-16T16:41:00.000+08:00

Final exam this morning. Which means that unless I have fucked these up spectacularly (and I think I did better on this one than the abomination that was Tuesday) I am now officially half way through my degree. Yay for productivity! Or something.
I wore my best uni uniform today - faded anti-fur tshirt over a long sleeve, cargo pants and Doc Martens. Still felt like the impostor. There was a disturbing lack of mature aged students to take the focus away.
Oh, and I did that fantastic thing of barging into the wrong exam venue, and having to leave shame-faced in front of an audience.
So it is now time to clean the house and enjoy the weekend before the first of my 240 essays to mark arrive on Monday. I plan to tackle the reading and DVD pile. Or sleep. All three are nice options.

Still in the Attic

2006-06-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

I don't like very much the way I am feeling at the moment. Everything feels off, as if I have stumbled into some alternate dimension where it all looks the same but we all know I don't belong here. Kind of like that episode of The Next Generation where a rip in the space-time continuum brings Tasha Yar back from the dead, and only Guinan realises something is wrong. In the end Tasha has to sacrifice herself in order to return everything back to the way it should be.
I have grown used to being a hermit. Yesterday I had to go out to uni to sit my exam, and the fear of being in public was so extreme that at one point when I was sitting in the quadrangle outside the exam venue I literally couldn't move. I couldn't go forward, I couldn't go back - all I could do was sit there immobile because any direction was just too scary to contemplate. I could hear all the voices around me - it was surreal enough that I could have believed it would have been normal for some of the Sesame Street cast to pop up behind me and start singing "One of these things is not like the other one".
To top it all off, there were some exam questions I just couldn't answer - so I have no idea what kind of mark I will get as I had to leave them. Luckily though I have gotten distinctions in both of my assignments so even if I fail it abysmally I should still get a pass for the unit.
The other issue, though... I don't know what to do to combat it at the moment. I want to get a job next year when I finish this degree, but how will I cope with it if I can't cope with the world at large?
Maybe I should just get over myself. Nothing like the whinings of a self-obssessed neurotic to point out there are other things in the world one should worry about more. At least Tasha Yar had a clear-cut destiny before her.

I Hate Exam Week

2006-06-13T09:29:00.000+08:00

I have my first exam today.
I am not a good exam-taker. I am good at doing assignments, but I turn into a stress-ball of crap when it comes to sitting in a hall with my fellow students and partaking in a few hours of regurgitated study.
For example, last year we had a question on library text selection policy. I turned it into a diatribe against the Howard Government and censorship. Related perhaps, but not really relevant to the question at hand.
I just turn into a ranter, and usually not even a ranter with a point.
I just want this week to be over.

2006-06-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

Lighthouse man can’t help us all
Some he’ll save and some will fall
He’ll show you where the danger lies
But he can’t help it if you capsize
He’ll light your way but that is all
Steer your own ship back to shore

Oh lighthouse man I’m all at sea
Shine a little lighthouse light on me
Lighthouse man I’m all at sea
Shine a little lighthouse light on me

- The Waifs

Proof Positive

2006-06-09T16:38:00.000+08:00

Want an example of how burnt out I feel at the moment?
I got back into the car after stopping off at Dick Smith's to buy replacement batteries for my phone, and it wouldn't start when I turned the ignition. The battery wasn't flat, as the radio was still coming on, but there was no attempt at turnover of the engine. Of course, I started to panic, thinking that there was something majorly wrong with the car and oh god i have no money to fix it and how the hell am I going to get to my exams next week and why the hell can I not have a normal car etc etc. I put my RAC membership into good use by calling Roadside Assistance, then waited for their arrival an hour later by finishing The Great Gatsby (thereby also proving why you should never ever not carry a book with you at all times). The RAC guy was puzzled as he couldn't find any reason why the car wasn't starting.

RACGuy: It wasn't acting up before this?
Me: No.
RACGuy: You haven't knocked any fuses out getting in and out of the car?
Me: Not that I'm aware of.
RACGuy: Not to ask a stupid question, but did you deactivate the immobiliser?
Me: ........

Yes. After driving to about four different places and getting more frazzled by my 'errands' I had jumped in this one time and didn't deactivate the immobiliser. Hence, no car startage.
I think I won the award of tosser of the day in the RAC breakout room.
I am so tired.

Sadly True

2006-06-09T09:35:00.000+08:00

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.

You're an Indie Pop Kid. You like songs about relationships and the prettiness of nature. You're sentimental, but certainly not emo. Oh, and if you aren't an English Major, you should be.
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And yes, I do have the English major to prove it. Is my cred even more creddy when you take into account it was a Double Major with Film Studies?

Five Things Observed in a Shopping Centre Carpark Tonight

2006-06-08T20:36:00.000+08:00

A little boy plaintively asking his mother "Are we ever going to see Aunty Sharon again?"
A man smoking a cigarette, talking on a mobile, and wiping his eyes repeatedly.
A trolley boy, thinking nobody can see him, singing a Robbie Williams tune loudly and proudly, whirling a Coles trolley as if it were a dancing partner.
A father screaming at his child "Do you want to be left in the car? Where anybody could come along and take you? Do you?"
A woman jumping a bit too noticeably when somebody walks too closely to her.

All the lonely people - where do they all belong?

All Mumbly and Insane

2006-06-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

I spent the past few days hovering on the precipice of a nervous breakdown, wondering how the hell I was going to do my assignment. I seriously felt stupid, I did not understand it, my brain was stuck in neutral.*
I am wondering if it is due to increasing stupidity, or whether I have lost a few brain cells along with my pituitary gland. I used to be able to do a full course uni workload, do a student prac, work for the VEC and help out with a local community theatre all while on public transport nonetheless... now I can't even cope with a halfload. I am so burnt out. So I was looking forward to these holidays, and working through my teetering pile of unwatched DVDs and unread books (well, I have to write two studyguides, but no biggie).
Yet I found myself agreeing to take on 240 essays for marking.
240.
I am such an idiot.

* It's almost done now, in fact I took a break today to go and see Poseidon with L+D. Good, dumb fun, but it really should be called No Hispanic or Black Person Makes It Out Alive!

Lines Lines Lines

2006-06-01T10:08:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've done this before, but it's always fun.
What follows are ten quotes from ten films that I like. Try to guess, but no googling! You won't feel as much a sense of achievement. Or something.

~~Now you will see me one more time, if you do good. You will see me, two more times, if you do bad.~~ Mulholland Drive (Kathy)
~~But I am mad about Jose. I honestly think I'd give up smoking if he asked me.~~ Breakfast at Tiffany's (Kathy's husband)
~~When the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness. Whether they're clean or not.~~ Spiceworld: The Movie (Matthew)
~~My, my, my! Such a lot of guns around town and so few brains!~~ The Big Sleep (Artful Kisser)
~~Sara reminds me of a little deer Papa brought home once. I looked after it, but it died. Mama always said it was doomed.~~ Picnic At Hanging Rock (Kathy)
~~Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments.~~ Bringing Up Baby (Rae)
~~Not only is she pretty, but she's got a nice personality, and she's the mother of God.~~ Simple Men (Ren)
~~My father says it is a dark talent, and the day I take it into my head to stop breathing will be my last.~~ The Piano (Miss E and AK)
~~I'm worried about Antonia. Did you know that she put on her mouse ears and drives around town, all liquored up, NAKED?~~ Practical Magic (Melly)
~~Now clear your minds. It knows what scares you. It has from the very beginning.~~ Poltergeist (Ren)

Momentary Rest

2006-05-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

I have been out of commission for the past couple of days thanks to a particularly nasty virus doing the rounds.
Let me just say, I hate vomiting. The last time I vomited was a couple of years ago when coming out of surgery - it's just something I try to avoid at all costs.
And before you scream "TMI", I think I may never be able to eat multigrain bread again.
Anyhow, it wasn't until this afternoon that I was finally able to move without puking, shitting, crying or all three at once. So I had to turn my attention back to the marking.
I have finally completed it, and hung up my trusty red Artliner.
(Although my sister said to me: "You used red? I try to use neutral colours." Me: "Bah, if red pen is their main worry, then they're lucky".)
I just hope the students haven't affected me to the point that when I start my assignment tomorrow I will not find myself writing sentences like Referencing books is like extreemly important becoz if u dont then u wont find dem lol OMG!

We May Need Coffee, But We're Not Stew-pid!

2006-05-29T07:35:00.000+08:00

Wow, I have just discovered my first case of plagiarism! I'm so proud.
You know kids, it's only a class of thirty. And although thirty essays tend to blend into one another after a while, and the pain of getting through the pile tears you apart - you can generally realise after a couple of paragraphs that what you are reading sounds suspiciously familiar. Then you look back through the pile of those you have marked and see that it is roughly 90% the same - even with the same spelling mistakes!
It is easy to believe that these kids will be holding up a petrol station in a few years, and the police will catch them because they call each other by name on the security tape.

Oh, The Humanity

2006-05-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

I have been marking all day, and after hanging my head at the sheer ineptitude of today's yoof, who have seriously been handing in assignments in which they have written sentences like "I liked it when U found out at da end that he was dead lol". Shoot me now. When I marked one assignment that had carefully formulated sentences and showed logical argument I wanted to buy a box of chocolates to attach to the assignment when it was handed back to the kid with a note of encouragement.
But I had to laugh when my favourite sentence of the day came up, so I had to race over here and share it, otherwise I think I may just have lay down on the floor and wept:

This book is about terrorism, and curtain disasters.

That chapter on Bin Laden and The Great Drape Snafu was particularly illuminating.

Detritus

2006-05-26T14:16:00.000+08:00

Yes, another blog name change. Can't be bothered changing the address, as I still like the reasoning behind "Emily Dickinson's Attic" - it still makes sense to me. And makes sense of me. And a little bit of fun at my expense too.
I have one assignment finished. Ready to kill myself.
That is, if my body doesn't do so first. I had a fifty minute bloodnose yesterday that rendered my bathroom into the scene of a slasher flick. There were blood clots. Blood clots!
I am still unable to truly dedicate myself to any kind of fluent work. I am like a backfiring convertible.
I have started tipping for the World Cup, in honour of Mel's fascination. It is being run through footytips.com.au - if anybody wants to join, drop me a line through onlyonecatboy AT gmail DOT com and I will forward you an invite. It's free, and ever so smart. This means you, Steph. And I am trying to get it together to write you a long response to your past missive. I suck.
The new Dixie Chicks album is excellent.
Now it is cold Mina wants to cuddle all day. This is very distracting.
I have only one episode of Veronica Mars to watch. This makes me sad. I cannot recommend Ms Mars enough. If anybody was asking for my recommendation.
I saw the new X-Men. It was spectacle with no heart, in comparison to the other two. Enjoyable but so so so flawed. I can't help but think of it as more of a cynical marketing exercise to continue on a possible franchise with less expensive actors.
Why does winter make you feel so much lonelier, even though it is the best season?
Maybe it doesn't help if you're watching the rain fall while listening to Natalie Merchant.
Hmm, maybe this should be "Cold, Modern Wanker".

Finally!

2006-05-24T14:27:00.000+08:00

Perth is getting its own Borders! It opens tomorrow! I am using too many exclamation marks!!!!
I can walk into a book store and be practically guaranteed that whatever I am looking for will be there. They promise a store stacked with 200 000 titles.
I am a puddle of drool on the floor.
Although I am sad that I will be unable to go there with my Borders Buddy. It just won't be the same without her.

Thank You, Universe, University

2006-05-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, thank you, uni website, for being offline all day while I have been desperately trying to access you so I could do my goddamned assignment which is due in Friday. And what is worse, I am actually in a frame of mind to work on the fucker, which is a rare thing in itself. Good grief!

2006-05-21T01:28:00.000+08:00

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (62%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (42%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What are you, Insane?

2006-05-19T12:51:00.000+08:00

I think I swallowed a whole handful of crazy pills the other day. Either that or I didn't take my anti-crazy medication.
I decided it would be a great idea if I chucked in the degree I am undertaking at the moment in order to pick up my teaching career again.
Yeah, I know - CARAAAAAZY!
I think it was because I was staring my two assignments in the face, and really didn't want to do them. Plus the fact I have taken on some marking work for a school and have been doing that as well. I actually quite like marking - and forgot about the other aspects of teaching... like, say, having to face, speak with and actually deal with the students on a daily basis.
But I was also envisioning teaching again in an attempt to - and this is where you will fall over laughing - change perspectives. ROTFLMFAO! I was speaking with my sister about the recent changes to the teaching process, and I have to say I am a little bit bitter about them. School is a job, kid. You have to treat it like such. It is meant to challenge you, to expose you to different things that you might not get in your every day life. It is meant to expand your horizons.
And the bitter English freak within me is devestated that kids can go through an entire term now with only having to do one in-depth text, which could even be one single movie.
What about exposing kids to the classics? To doing more than one text? You used to have to do poetry, journalism, film, fiction, non-fiction, creative writing - all in the space of a semester. You had to read texts sometimes that you hated - my God, my essay on Hemingway was a bitter diatribe against Papa, but looking back I appreciated the fact that I now know enough of Hemingway to say with experience that I hate his works. I remember Sarah telling me she hated Steinbeck, and I ranted at her for two hours, tears running down my cheeks intermittently about the beauty of The Grapes of Wrath, and how this was the only way she passed her exam and essay because she never even finished the book. How many people were first exposed to To Kill A Mockingbird or Tim Winton through high school, and have carried them over into their adult life? Texts that otherwise they may have never picked up?
I hate these changes to the school system. I am all for teaching kids something they may enjoy - hell, I devised a whole plan based around the depiction of teenagers in Buffy and Dawson's Creek, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have tried to foist the tried and true upon them as well.
What I am worried about are the teachers who have passion, versus the teachers who don't. It is going to be a lot easier for the less dedicated to become lazier. And the teacher who wants to challenge their classes will face ire from their students as well. Students who discover that the other class are going to be watching X-Men for a term are going to hate your classic-filled, multi-textual program.
This is not the answer to education.
Anyway, I returned to my senses and slowly started my assignments. And I mean slowwwwwly.
Do you know what I am really missing at the moment? Melbourne's Myer Food Hall. I have been craving cherry pie, and cannot find anybody who sells them over here. MMFH used to make beautiful ones, with the sugar-crusted topping. I really want one.

Hello, Grim Reaper

2006-05-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about my own death, which either comes across as grossly morbid or slightly suicidal but truly it's not in that vein. I guess I have just been reading too much about it (To The Lighthouse) and watching too many CSI and Cold Case episodes. Plus, doing assignments, to which death is sometimes a preferable option. And although it is a nice idea to think of that "unquiet slumber in the quiet earth" as Emily Bronte so poetically waxed, I can't think of anything worse than being a rotting piece of flesh in the ground.
Before I went in for my operation and given the "you may die, so you can't sue" spiel by the doctors I made sure to tell my family that I wanted cremated. And of course, I still want to be cremated - we know we're running out of land to stick people in to, and I have seen too many movies in which people get buried alive (thanks Buffy Summers, The Bride, and Nick Stokes). I guess what I don't want to go through is the final indignities of death - becoming the hunk of meat on the slab, exposed.
What it all comes down to is that you're nothing in the end - whatever made you you is long gone, and the decaying shell is all that remains. I don't want to become that shell, although you don't have to be Allison DuBois to know that is your future. In the special on Mt St Helens last night people just got vaporized by the pressure of the blast - there was nothing to be left behind. I guess, although that is a terrible way to go (but quick and relatively painless) you won't be leaving anything to be prodded and dehumanized. I know you won't be around to care in those days after your death what is done with your body and how it is treated, but even just thinking about it... yurgh.
I guess what I'm saying is when I die, let it be in some way that there is no corpse. Maybe I should transcend like the girls at Hanging Rock. Oddly poetic, beautiful and just a little bit creepy - hey, kinda like me.

Here Comes the Blues

2006-05-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

How come one of my favourite songs, which is such a beautiful and meant to be such a happy song, actually feel so sad? Maybe it's because I prefer the Nina Simone version, and she makes it sound so wistful as if she is actually not looking forward to happiness returning at all. I don't know. I just know that I have spent most of the day drinking coffee and staring out the window while listening to sad song after sad song and stupidly craving cigarettes. Maybe it is just the change in season, because although I love the winter the skies are as gray as my thoughts.
Here comes the sun Little darlin, here comes the sun I say, its all right, its all right Little Darlin, its been a long cold and lonely winter, little darlin it feels like years since you've been here Little darlin, the smiles have returned to the faces now little darlin it seems like years since you've been here Here somes the sun, arent you glad to see it, I say its all right Here comes the sun little darlin, I say Its alright Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun I say Little Darlin, it seems like years since you've been here Little darlin here comes the sun, its all right You can come on out

The End of an Era

2006-05-08T08:56:00.000+08:00

The last survivor of the Titanic, who actually had memories of the event, has died. The only two remaining survivors were babies at the time. It really is sad to see the last tenuous connections with such a historical event begin to fade.

Protection

2006-05-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

I received a beautiful present today. My sister arrived on my doorstep as she had received a parcel from a friend of ours, who had recently invited my irrational jealousy because she was travelling on an around the world ticket and was making a stop off in Peru - and my number one world destination, Machu Picchu.
And wrapped within a napkin was this Incan Cross, made out of the same stone that Machu Picchu is itself, "so that until he gets to Machu Picchu himself, he will always have a piece of Machu Picchu on him".
I'm not ashamed of admitting it made me tear up a bit.
Here is some information on the chakana:

Each arm of this square cross represents one of the primitive basic elements: fire, water, earth, and air. Inspired by the constellation of the Southern Cross, the chakana is believed to orient all creation in the Southern Hemisphere... the point of equilibrium in the center of the cross is a small, open circle.

It is fitting that the Southern Cross is part of the design, as it is such an important part of our own mythology. It is around my neck right at this moment, and my hands are constantly drawn to the power source in its centre.

Shuffle

2006-05-06T21:38:00.000+08:00

Put your media player onto shuffle, and let it answer the following questions for you:

How does the world see me?
”We Shall Overcome” – Joan Baez. Does this mean I am apparently stronger than I think I am? Deep in my heart, I still believe, we shall overcome some day. I wish I was that optimistic… maybe I am?

Will I have a happy life?
”Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day” – Morcheeba. Interesting. In order to laugh, we have got to be strong.

What do my friends really think of me?
”Thrill Is Gone” – Bernard Fanning. Thanks, guys.

Do people secretly lust after me?
”Bellyache” by Echobelly. Umm, this is doing nothing for my self-esteem. Either that or I need poppier music in my library.

How can I make myself happy?
"Hold On To Me” – The Black Sorrows. Well, hugs always do work.

What should I do with my life?
"Call Off the Search” by Katie Melua. Okay, even my library hates me.

Will I ever have children?
"Be Thankful for What You’ve Got” – Massive Attack. Okay, crazy catboy forever.

What is some good advice for me?
"Do What You Gotta Do” – Nina Simone. Now, this is getting freaky.

How will I be remembered?
"Everybody Loves A Loser” – Morcheeba. Seriously, FUCK OFF.

What is my signature song?
"I Wonder Why The Wonderfalls” – Andy Partridge. Somewhere there is a wax lion laughing at me for this one coming up.

What type of men / women do I like?
"I’ve Been Let Down” – Mazzy Star. Anybody who will break my heart, it seems.

What is my day going to be like?
"What Is This Thing Called Love?” – Keely Smith. Indeed.

What do I think my current theme song is?
"At My Most Beautiful” – REM. Insert snort here.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Amateur” by Aimee Mann. Yeah, that’s more like it. I was hoping that you’d know better than that… I was hoping, but you’re an amateur.

What song will play at my funeral?
"God Only Knows” – Claudine Longet. Aww, it would be just like the end of a Cold Case episode. Someone would look back at the last moment and see my sad, but satisfied, ghost fade into the trees.

It Was A Nice Fantasy

2006-05-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

I met my sister for coffee last night, and she was sighing over how she missed Melbourne, loved New York City, and really, would rather be anywhere than here. Biting down the insulted feeling - because, really, having a coffee with me is one of the best experiences you could ever have in your life, NO, REALLY!!! - I proposed to her that we should both pack up and move back to Melbourne. That she could get a job teaching easily enough, and I could finish my degree by Distance Ed.

She: You could always get a job teaching yourself.
Me: No, I will never teach again. But, hey, I could get a job as the school librarian in your school! And we could start up a detective agency that we would run in our spare time. Teacher/librarian by day, Dark Avengers at night! The school library would be our base of operations... it would be so cool!
She: Have you been rewatching Buffy lately? And I really don't think you should have a second coffee. You're high.

It was a nice fantasy for the six seconds it lasted.
Gotta go. The Flashdance/Footloose double is about to start - the only way TV tonight could be better is if it was a Flashdance/Footloose/Xanadu triple.

Figures

2006-05-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

I just spent the past two days on the couch - unable to move - after doing my back in (again). Today was the first day I was able to move without crying (seriously, yesterday morning it took me 25 minutes to get off the couch the first time after sleeping), and I had to push myself as I had my Centrelink interview. At least I looked shitty enough so they didn't seem to question stopping my payments. So I arrived home and started work on the assignments I had been neglecting... and of course what does the postie bring around this afternoon?
My belated birthday present of the third volume of The Complete Peanuts, and the Veronica Mars Season One DVDs. Good grief! I could have had a Marsathon to take my mind off my agony, but no! International post hates me. And now I really have to work, so no Marsathon or else my assignment would never get done.

It's funny, 'cos it's kinda accurate

2006-05-01T16:14:00.000+08:00

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Grammar 101

2006-05-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

Apr 27 - Review: CSI: New York--'All Access'
Stella is discovered unconscious by the dead body of her boyfriend.

How awkward! Can zombies still get brought in for questioning?

The Amazing Race: The Perth Edition

2006-04-29T13:00:00.000+08:00

AKA The One Where Rob Didn't Get To Be A Fern.

Okay, I may get all hometown-patriotic on you. As much as I bitch about Perth and still dream about returning to my original birthplace of Melbourne, we're still a pretty (and pretty backwards) city. It was bizarre watching this episode and seeing places that I tread every day being treated as an 'exotic locale'.

Here we are! The ubiquitous "View From King's Park" shot, and let's try to hide all the work being done on the Exhibition Centre/Never-to-be-completed Mandurah rail line!Sarah works here - seriously, you can see her building!The King's Park memorial - a seriously pretty place with a great view. I wonder why they didn't make them race to Tree 13, just down the road and the site of a many supposed Devil worshipping pilgrimages?The Narrows Bridge - I have to drive over it every time I go to uni - a nice view to contemplate. The Swan River still has the occasional visiting shark swimming in from the ocean. How many cities can boast that?Rotto - home of many an underage drinker on holiday! Also the only home to the unique quokka. Little known fact not disclosed on the Race: many an underage (and overage) drinker have contributed to the cruel deaths of these poor marsupials, and they always tend to get away with it. One boy who rode around the island with a quokka head in his bike basket was 'punished' by having to work in an animal shelter. Yes, put him in a place with more defenceless animals to choose from!Perth at night - empty! And technically, NOT Perth bus station. Yes, this is where a bus to Fremantle leaves from, but this is actually the exterior of the TRAIN station (makes sense to us, really). And also interesting, Ray and Yolanda's cabbie TOTALLY lied to them, saying it would take an hour and a half to get to Fremantle in a cab! It doesn't even take ninety minutes to get to Mandurah! I wonder how many times racers have been lied to in locales that I don't know as intimately as this one. See, Ray and Yolanda needed me! Just down from here is the army surplus that sells the cheapest Doc Martens in town.Riding a tandem bike on Rotto - as traditional as underage drinking on Rotto. Having done this bike ride myself, I can confirm it is a killer. Particularly on your typical Perth summer's day of 42 degrees. Pretty lighthouse, though. The hippies made a bad error by missing the Fremantle ferry back and catching the one to Hillarys... then taking a taxi to Freo. A taxi from Hillarys to Freo - they should be glad they scammed the three hundred American dollars on the plane - they would have needed it for that ride!The Fremantle Prison - grim, inhospitable and a must-see on any trip here! Also necessary, the Fremantle Arts Centre - an ex-asylum with a haunting history so extreme that they have their own OHSS file on it.The gallows in the prison - a very scary place to stand when you're on the ghost tour at night. I and my underwear speak from experience.A Transperth bus! A must for any poor student - but good luck getting one after 7 on a Sunday night! I notice that the bus is an 000 - which means it wasn't in service, and Fran and Barry asked him if it was going to the prison - so I think they were just EXTREMELY lucky in chancing across an amenable driver who took pity on an old couple running around with a camera crew in tow... ...not that it really helped them. Fran and Barry, you are the last team to arrive and you have been eliminated. Bye Bye. In the end it was Perth who beat you, Fran and Barry. Shame it wasn't the Frat Boys we destroyed.

So we still have Ray and Yolanda in the race! Unfortunately, I think their time may be up next week, and baby Jesus will seriously cry if the Frat Boys end up winning a million dollars.

This week's Desiree In Memoriam picture:

Rhetorical Question, really...

2006-04-28T15:28:00.000+08:00

Is it completely juvenile of me to receive an email from uni, and giggle to myself when an attachment is labelled "ass1"?

2006-04-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

The Simpsons Personality Test

You Have Low Self Esteem 84% of the Time

You're definitely in a low place right now, but you also know deep down that you can get out of your funk.
Take a chance and make a new friend or try a new interest. Shaking things up will give you the self-esteem boost you need!

How is Your Self Esteem?

I guess it's no surprise I'm Lisa then, huh?

Evil Gets the Non-Elimination

2006-04-22T15:06:00.000+08:00

Okay, not evil - the Hippies did. If it was Team Frat Arses who escaped non-elimination this week, then evil really would have triumphed. So both teams will now live to probably win this damn thing. Sigh.
Last week Lake and Michelle went bye-bye. And the sad thing was, despite the fact that he told her, "Bitch, shut up!", was that he was STILL more likable than the Frat Boys. I didn't get a chance to offer my feelings on last week's episode as my mind was more consumed with the Great Cold War of 2006 that had erupted within the domestic sphere. Which in turn is now leading to the Great Thaw-out in which I am only particpating against my will and threat of exile. And because I have no spine and have had to let morals take a backseat. Basically, I suck. Anyway, I really thought throughout the whole episode that Lake and Michelle would be safe as we have not had a non-elimination round this season... and when the surprise came that they were gone, it really made this episode a tad redundant. Because by the time we reached the episode's end, I was like "Oh boo hoo, stop your yapping, hippies, you're safe. Unlike Wanda and Desiree, or Dave and Lori."
In fact, the biggest surprise this episode was that Fran and Barry came in first! Yes, I will wait for you to pick yourself up from the floor and resume reading. And it was nice to see Ray and Yolanda move up from last to mid place. To tell you the truth, I am a little astounded that they aren't doing better at the race. They are both in prime shape, they're both intelligent, and yet they seem to struggle each week. I am a tad dumbfounded. But Yolanda shares the best laugh award with BJ this week; BJ did a scarily-accurate impersonation of Lake, and Yolanda shushed Ray with a trowel pressed to her lips instead of punching it through his throat like she probably imagined doing.
But, this episode could be summed up thusly: NO SUSPENSE. If it hadn't been for the last couple of weeks I would have been Cruising the couch, screaming "Either the Frats or the Hippies are gone! There is some kind of heavenly being in charge of Fate and Destiny and Karma!"
No, Virginia, there isn't.
So the hippies came in last place and Phil did his customary "You're the last to arrive...." (INSERT LONG PAUSE HERE) "But this is a non-elimination round! Ha ha!"
So the hippies survive, and live to race around the world in increasingly ponging clothing as they had to give up their possessions except their passports and the clothes on their back. Which means that I should probably be happy I missed them when they made it to Perth.
It is just a shame that this week was so lacklustre - maybe it just comes with watching so many seasons - you know the NE legs are coming, and you know that fate usually conspires so that strong contenders who fuck up usually do so on weeks where they will be rescued by luck of the draw. I guess this means the Hippies or the Frat Boys are going to walk away with a million bucks. I can handle the Hippies winning, but if the FB do, it will make me sick to imagine them spending it all on keggers and celebratory blowjobs.

This week's Desiree In Memoriam picture:

NEXT WEEK: They're in my hometown! And by the look of what they are doing, they must be doing the Fremantle Prison Tunnels. I have only done the ghost tour at night, with my newfound sense of claustrophobia I do not think I could bear the tunnels. And then, it looks like they're cycling around Rottnest Island. I hope none of them hit a quokka, and managed to avoid the schoolies.

It still burns me that I could have been Ray and Yolanda's Fern, had it not been for my sister. Grumble.

2006-04-21T13:25:00.000+08:00

Why is it we continue to seek approval or affirmation from people who we know are never going to give it to us in the form that we want it?
All I know is that if it finally comes via a deathbed confessional, I am going to feel justified in saying "Too fucking late. Commence dirt shovelling!"

2006-04-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

You scored as Greg Sanders. You are Greg!*

Greg Sanders

85%

Sara Sidle

80%

Jim Brass

75%

Warrick Brown

70%

Gil Grissom

65%

Al Robbins

60%

Nick Stokes

45%

Catherine Willows

30%

Which CSI character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Hmm, almost equally tied with Sara Sidle? The grim, dour, sarcastic and humourless one?
Can you say "Rob's a manic depressive", kids?
I knew you could!

* Friendly and cute are normally not two words applied to me.

Emily Dickinson's Attic Presents... Five Second Theatre

2006-04-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

JUDE THE OBSCURE
by Thomas Hardy

[Enter SUE and JUDE, stage left]

SUE: Sometimes, I just don't understand you, Jude.
JUDE: Sue, sometimes I just don't understand myself.

[Exit SUE and JUDE, stage right]

I, Nuff-Nuff

2006-04-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

At roughly two o'clock this afternoon the phone rang, and when I picked it up and the caller had ascertained that I was who I said I was, asked:
"Do you know where you are meant to be right now?"
It seems I can't escape existential crises no matter where I flee. It's just that most times the voices come from my head, not taking physical form through the phonelines. Before I could even formulate a response, the voice continued that I was meant to be at my Centrelink 'Should We Keep Paying You or Cut You Off?' appointment.
HOLY FUCKING HELL!!!
Yes, I had totally forgotten about it, even though I had written it in my diary, stuck my letter on the fridge and had been speaking about it the previous day with my parents.
Luckily, the woman seemed quite nice. I guess it helps when you have 'had intrusive brain surgery' written on your forms. It kind of helps with your "my brain's a sieve" line of defence.
Which I have been using a hell of a lot lately. I actually think it is true. My concentration skills are not what they used to be, and neither is my memory.
But at least in this case it has paid off, as they promised I would not have my payments suspended, and they have rescheduled. Plus, they are even giving me a reminder call. They should probably do it on the day about an hour beforehand.

2006-04-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.

Neuroticism:

You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Wow, a lot of that totally contradicts each other. I must be a total fuck-up. Yay, for fuck-ups!

Things that are currently on what was once a clean surface but is now a messy work space:

2006-04-15T14:08:00.000+08:00

laptop
scanner
printer
dirty glass
empty can of lemonade
Nelly Furtado cd
original King Kong dvd
all three Fiona Apple albums
Mina
CSI novel
one autobiography (not mine)
4 blank cds
Harry Potter tin pencil box
claddagh ring
watch
stapler, and staples
sharpie pen
broadband modem
plate
roughly 400 pages of uni printouts
5 textbooks
self-made Wonderfalls soundtrack
box of cd sleeves
letter from Centrelink
dirty coffee mug
mobile phone

My mother and sister are right. I live in a hovel.
Oh, and the most important notes I need for my assignment? Missing.

I'll be fine and dandy... Lord, it's like a hard candy.... Easter?

2006-04-14T09:20:00.000+08:00

Okay, I have gone from quoting Bruce Springsteen to semi-quoting Dolly Parton. Something ain't right here.
Actually, a lot of things aren't right.
My family has become like that demon from Buffy that had to be cut into four pieces and scattered at opposite ends of the globe.
When I still lived in Melbourne and was a birthday/Christmas/Easter orphan I used to make myself miserable in imagining how they were all together and I wasn't there. When I got sick and had to move back I had all these sitcom-esque fantasies about how life was going to be from now on. I think it was meant to have been something like Gilmore Girls without the picturesque surrounds and a lot more annoying rather than eccentrically charming people. There would be frequent get-togethers and barbecues while watching the footy, laughter, caring, sharing. Now it seems like the only time people can be bother coping with each other is Christmas, and that is obligatory rather than wanting to.
We're not even getting together for Easter. I might as well be back in Melbourne, because at least then I had a reason if I had to spend it alone. So while other families are getting together and revelling in their dysfunction I will eat my lone easter bunny and work on my uni assignment.
When the checkout chick at Coles asked me what I was doing for Easter yesterday I snapped without thinking "Nothing! Because my family all hate one another." Bet she was thinking not to make small talk with the next customer.
So much for my fantasies. The only member of my family who spent my birthday with me was my sister. I thought at least when I came back I wouldn't have to buy my own birthday cake anymore, but I still have to every year. How pathetic is that? I'm practically Diane Keaton in Crimes of the Heart, singing to myself over a birthday cookie which breaks everytime you try to place a candle on it. At least at the end her family realises and buys her a nice big cake. This is why movies destroy us emotionally and warp our perceptions of reality. BECAUSE SHIT LIKE THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
If I had not moved away, would my family be this fractured today? Because it seems that as if, in being the first, I paved the way for my family to stop being what it was. My parents moved to CountryTownX, my brother started caring only about himself and his family, and my sister became a hermit although she chides me for being the same. And now with all this crap that's been happening lately, there is active loathing.
And oh look, I have made this all about me. Because it's all obviously MY fault, from moving away nine years ago. Shit, was it really nine years ago?
Anyway, blah blah fucking blah. Here I go again. Rob feeling sorry for himself YET AGAIN. Just tell me to shut the fuck up. I would.

2006-04-13T08:48:00.000+08:00

Bob Dylan was right, sometimes you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind's blowing.

Quiz Results On Target?

2006-04-12T08:03:00.000+08:00

Which RENT Character Are YOU?

Mark - the narrator. You stay detached from the things that matter. You make films, but you don't really live. But all that can change, if you just let it.
Take this quiz!

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I love that it says "You see everything the way you want to see it, but don't worry. You see things the way they should be seen." Of course, as I got told yesterday by a member of my family, this makes me "the most JUDGEMENTAL" person in it.
Or maybe, just as Roger tells Mark, I hide:

from facing your failure,
facing your loneliness
facing the fact you live a lie

Yes, you live a lie - tell you why

you're always preaching not to
be numb
when that's how you thrive

You pretend to create and observe
when you really detach from feeling alive

A Fool Such As I

2006-04-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I wrote a rather, in hindsight, ironic post about the cost of morality in relation to The Amazing Race. Less than a couple of hours later I got to experience it firsthand, for how little I would sacrifice my own morals. If it had been for a million dollars, well, at least I would have had something to show for it.
I don't know what it says about me that when push came to shove I gave up so easily. I guess I am a shouter, not a doer. I rant from my soapbox as much as I can, turns out it is only a small distance to fall from it. I have had to swallow down everything I feel in order to keep the peace, and quite frankly I hate myself for it.
It's not easy being the lone voice, and I can't be that. At the moment I don't give a shit about the offended party, but if I do not want to be ostracised I have to restrain my bitterness, my anger, and what is even white-hot hatred at the moment.
He's won again. The usual excuses have been made for him, he will not learn from his mistakes. I used to think I was the better person, but in helping clean up after him I feel like I have become worse.

Man turns his back on his family, well he just ain't no good - Bruce Springsteen, "Highway Patrolman"

Don't Know You

2006-04-10T21:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we find out things about people we thought we knew well, and it can totally change your perspective on them. Sometimes it is a positive thing, and you look at that person in a new light and can admire them in a way you never did before.
Often though, it is something that repulses you, and you don't know how you can ever look them in the eye without wanting to punch them in it.
Are there totally unforgivable things, or are there just things you HAVE to deal with, no matter what? Especially when blood ties are involved? What does it take to forgive somebody for something that is against every fibre of your being? And if you don't think you can forgive, what does that say about you?
I knew this person was the most selfish person I knew, and although at times I hated the things he did, he has never before made me want to have nothing more to do with him. I honestly don't know how I will be able to step back and take him in without this knowledge constantly surfacing in my mind.

TAR: The Vegetarian's Nightmare

2006-04-10T12:40:00.000+08:00

I would love to go on The Amazing Race, but really, there is no way a committed vegetarian could do so (at least, one who doesn't eat animals for moral reasons) as one leg of the race always seems to involve some disgusting dead-animal related task. Season 7 had the memorable 'eat five pounds of meat' in all it's puke-a-licious glory (I don't know how people didn't turn vegetarian after watching people ingest and purge, ingest and purge), and this week we were treated to the 'carry a swordfish for a mile' task. Nothing turns the stomach like carrying a heavy, rubbery fish, which although dead keeps puking its guts and blood upon you. I even felt sorry for Monica this week as she lost it in the middle of market and started crying in all sniffly, snotty close-up. That would have been me as soon as I had opened the clue. "B-b-b-but I can't do itI I have MORALS!" I would have cried, to be followed by my race partner screaming "Fuck your MORALS, you are going to LOSE US A MILLION DOLLARS!"
And after an exciting beginning, this season is starting to lose its way. People complained bitterly about last year's family edition, but I was never bored during it because the people were entertaining. But this year has lost the excitement and spark of the race because of the consistency of the top placers each week. It is always The Idiots and The Hippies in first and second place, week in, week out. It has become boring. There seem to be no tasks at the moment which can truly throw people, and lead to the normal seesawing ranking. I tell you, if it is like this from here on in, I will not care for the first time in my life. And it doesn't help that the truly likeable racers are getting eliminated so early on. It is sad when you start getting a slight bit of affection for Team Mojo, simply because there is nobody else to invest in.
Because yes, another fave team got eliminated this week. And that is what I mean by this season having no excitement. The past few weeks Ray and Yolanda, and Dave and Lori have been struggling to avoid elimination, and they were in last place again. My two remaining faves, competing against each other. And in the end it was the poor, sweet Geeks who were Philiminated on the mat.
Man, this sucks. This season is stretching out ahead painfully. Why is it I can see either the horribly undeserving Team Arsehole or the painfully annoying Team Hippy walking away with the million dollar cheque.
My list is horribly unbalanced:

Faves:
1. ~~Wanda and Desiree~~
2. ~~Dave and Lori~~
3. Ray and Yolanda

Hates:
1. Eric and Jeremy
2. Lake and Michelle
3. Fran and Barry

I guess evil always does prosper.
Lift your game, TAR.

This weeks In Memoriam Desiree picture:

2006-04-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm ashamed to admit this to myself, but as a confirmed Shakespeare freak I want to go and see She's The Man - if only to see how royally they fuck up one of my favourite comedies, Twelfth Night. I still have fond memories of Felicity Kendall as Viola in the 70s BBC production.*

*By fond memories, I mean watching it as a kid and going, "Hey, it's that chick from THE GOOD LIFE!!! Where's Margo?"

Wha?

2006-04-09T08:21:00.000+08:00

Whines like a puppy dog. Me wantee.
And what is with the "Volume One" - do they know something we don't?
(tries not to get hopes up)

Whatever

2006-04-08T09:10:00.000+08:00

I swear I am going to make my own doormat that says "Do whatever the fuck you want, it's not like I have any control over my life anyways".
Passive-aggressive families suck. Where you are made out to be the worst in the world if for just once you want to say no, and it's not for entirely selfish reasons but because you NEED to say no. And you see other members of the family allowed to do whatever the hell they want, for their own selfish reasons, and they're allowed to get away with it BECAUSE THAT IS JUST WHAT THEY ARE. And you get asked why you want to be like them, because you're better than that blah blah FUCKING blah when what they're really saying is "We know we can count on you to do whatever you want because you have a guilt complex the size of Uluru and it would literally kill you to think that someone is thinking badly of you, so you will end up agreeing anyhow. And if you make the slightest noise about not being able to do what we want, we will turn on the guilt by pretending that we are fine about giving in to you until you cannot take it anymore and you will say FINE, and inwardly you will seethe the whole time until it is not your tumor that will do you in but STRESS."
So it doesn't matter that I am in the midst of an assignment and a studyguide that literally had me crying yesterday because I spent eight hours working on a database that I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND and will have to spend god knows how many more hours working on it before attempting to write an essay showing my quantifiable results due in this week, I was given three hours notice that I have my father landing on my doorstep this weekend. And although I get told by my mother that that's fine, he understands and he will leave me alone, but you can't do that when someone is in your house. Because they won't leave you alone. And you look like a freaking bastard if you try to do your work and have to leave them to entertain themselves for five minutes. And then you get the passive-aggressive bullshit about how he can stay with your sister, but you know that's not going to fly because she already has another family member being dumped on her doorstep when she is stressed out with work at the moment, and she can't handle it either. See any patterns/similiarities here?
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Happiness is a warm gun.

UPDATE: The rest of the family have known this was happening since Thursday. And none thought I should actually know. Fuckers. I am moving back to Melbourne once I finish my degree.

Sometimes, in those rare, honest moments I have with myself I wonder if I only stay here because I am scared of the tumor coming back and having nobody to take care of me.

Signs of the Apocalypse, #32

2006-04-07T07:17:00.000+08:00

Apparently Crash is being made into a series. As if two hours of histrionic, pretentious melodrama which ultimately resolves nothing wasn't enough. Here is an excerpt from the pilot script:

Person 1: You're racist!
Person 2: No, you're racist!
Person 3: We're all racist!
Person 1: I am so lonely.
Person 2: I will hold you.
Person 1: You're the person I least expected would help me in a time of crisis.
Person 3: There is still hope for us after all. We are just tiny little sacks of meat on a big ball of dust rocketing through the emptiness of space who have lost all ability to communicate with each other so that we seek to crash into each other for some form of contact.
Person 1: Yeah, what he said, dude.

My reaction, upon hearing said news:

Ho Hum

2006-04-06T16:34:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been Excitement City here. I have been reading mountains of notes for my first assignment this semester, had another review accepted for publication, and been commissioned to write another study guide. Feel a bit like I'm drowning, really.
Go see V For Vendetta. Despite its faults, it is a great movie. People shouldn't fear their governments, the government should fear the people. Indeed. Unless you live in an apathetic country that only cares about interest rates. As Aimee Mann sung, "No one else gives a fuck".
So, because I haven't even gotten to fully watching my Scrubs set (currently on sale at JB for a piddly amount!), I leave you with yet another quiz:

Which Scrubs Character are You?

J.D.
Take this quiz!

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Who, Me?

2006-04-04T07:53:00.000+08:00

Your 2005 Song Is

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating"

In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

You're right, I don't.

2006-04-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

Can anybody out there with software knowhow help out a dweeb and tell me how to save an image that has been extracted from another into a clear/transparent background in Photoshop? I am really having difficulties trying to make my Wonderfalls tshirt.

Oh Lordy!

2006-03-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

SPOILERS AHEAD!

What a nerve-wracking episode of The Amazing Race!
My remaining favourite teams, The Geeks and The Wonder Twins were at the back of the pack for most of the leg and by the end it appeared that Ray and Yolanda were going to follow my faves (Wanda and Desiree) to the land of the Eliminated.
Thankfully, they both made it to the mat ahead of Dani and Danielle, who although I didn't really think that much of them I can think of at least three other teams I would rather have seen leave ahead of them.
Unfortunately, Team Annoying Hippies and Team Beavis and Butthead came in first and second. Again. Man, I hope TBB get out soon, because everytime they pop up on my computer screen I am in danger of having to find $1100 to replace my laptop. I mean, they are the masters of the single entendre. There cannot be one situation which goes by without them making some sort of sexual comment, to the point where they even did it to the Italian greeter on the pitstop. That's just disrespectful. And as you can see from the photo above, Phil admonished them for the second episode in a row and did not even conceal his own distaste for the pair. Go, Phil!

Episode's WTF? moment: One half of Team Beavis and Butthead pausing in the middle of racing to do his hair for the "Italian hotties". And the bastards still came in second.

Episode's AWWWWW! moment: Dave tearfully apologising to Lori on the pitstop mat for being "frustrated" with her at the roadblock, and wiping away tears because he hates being mad at her. I believe he said something to her like "Honey, there is nothing I can to help you, you have to do it!" Long way to go before you are the next Jonathon and Victoria, guys. You would have to actually shove your partner so hard that they fall over and collapse in a sobbing heap to meet their level of 'frustration'.

Teams I love:
1. ~~Wanda and Desiree~~ ELIMINATED
2. Dave and Lori
3. Ray and Yolanda

Teams I hate:
1. Eric and Jeremy
2. Lake and Michelle
3. Fran and Barry

Fran and Barry have a meteoric rise through the hate table, as twice they piss me off in the space of forty minutes. Fine, you don't want to share information on the race, but don't be assholes. Lake may be somebody else I can't stand, but when you are already safe at the pitstop it would not KILL you to tell him he is going in the wrong direction and point him up the hill to where he should be.

And because the game just isn't the same without her, here is a "Desiree In Memoriam" piccie:

A New Low

2006-03-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

Strangely enough, when the phone rang I answered it.
I normally don't do that. I actually hate answering the phone, because I am always scared it will be someone I don't want to talk to. That's why my machine message says "I may get back to you." Don't ever promise that you will, because you have no defence when someone gets narky. At least I can say my message gives no guarantee of callback.
Anyhoo, I was greeted by a recorded message that said "All our representatives are busy at the moment. Please hold the line, and one of them will get to you as soon as possible."
That was it. No indication of who the company was, or why they were calling me.
But, they were calling me, and placed me in a queue? So I had to wait for the honour of speaking to them to find out why they were calling me?
Naturally, I hung up. Has anybody else had this happen to them?

I Still Hate Sam Neill

2006-03-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

Conversation with my sister today:

Me: Those Sam Neill ads are still pissing me off.
Sis: Oh, here we go again.
Me: No, really. Where does he get off, saying we need meat. We don't need meat. We can survive without it, and we're perfectly fine for it.
Sis: Oh, really? What's your iron count again?
Me: That's not the point.
Sis: If you ate meat, then you may not be having the problems you are having now. Or at least, you could still drink coffee.
Me: Shut up! I am just a lazy vegetarian. If I looked after myself properly, then I wouldn't need to eat meat anyway. You can be healthy and iron-filled on a veggie diet!
Sis: But, you're not.
Me: Shut up! I hate Sam Neill!

Threes

2006-03-27T07:52:00.000+08:00

Too tired to formulate a real post.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Idiot
2. Pretentious Asshole
3. Whatever humiliating name the two Mels have cooked up for me this week.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Catboy
2. orangecat
3. Jackson Pollock (okay, that was a lie)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. wistful smile
2. icy blue eyes
3. uh, that's it, really

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. everything else
2. see number one
3. see number two

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. n/a
3. n/a

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being the last one to die out of everybody
2. snakes
3. having to have brain surgery again

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Mina
2. laptop
3. book

THREE THINGS YOU 'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. glasses
2. claddagh ring
3. knitted wrist cuff

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Aimee Mann
2. Tori Amos
3. Mazzy Star

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. High On Sunday 51 - Aimee Mann
2. Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
3. Better Version of Me - Fiona Apple

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I used to tell people I was named after the Kennedy brothers.
2. I write red-hot Kate and Jack Lost fanfiction under the name "Dharma_Bear"
3. I own "Spice World: The Movie", and love it.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A cheeky smile.
2. Eyes that smile along with it.
3. Anything but feet.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. reading
2. writing
3. having an opinion about something, anything

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a REAL coffee. With caffeine.
2. Have a proper night's sleep.
3. Eat a donut.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Writer. At least I can say I am a published reviewer now!
2. Teacher. Qualified but terrified.
3. Librarian. As long as I can avoid the people who actually want to use the library.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Machu Picchu.
2. Anne Frank House.
3. Alaska.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Publish a novel.
2. Climb Machu Picchu.
3. Drink coffee on a fulltime basis again.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I like baggy clothing.
2. I hate cleaning the house.
3. I don't believe in ironing.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I have a soft spot for overly cute things.
2. My cd collection mainly consists of wailing girlies and rock!grrrrls.
3. I haven't had a natural hair colour since I was sixteen, except for when I came out of hospital.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Kathryn Morris (although it is really Lily Rush I have the crush on)
2. Ellen DeGeneres (yes, I am secretly a lesbian)
3. Caroline Dhavernas (although once again, it is Jaye Tyler I have the crush on)

Done

2006-03-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

Stayed up until three o'clock this morning completing the revisions to the studyguide, and have now just finished the final touchups and submitted it.
Now have to start immediately on the next one so it is ready on time for the students.
Plus, have a deadline for the next magazine issue, so have done one review and about to start another.
Oh, and uni assignments are due soon as well.
No rest for the wicked.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-24T14:35:00.000+08:00

I am too upset to even bother doing a recap on the latest Amazing Race.
My first favourite team has been eliminated.
And those evil mother-fuckin' frat boys came first. There is no justice in this world.

Farewell, Team Gilmore Girls.

16 31 Candles

2006-03-24T11:49:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: March 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated.

You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way.

People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little.

Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know.

Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true

Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid

Your power color: Silver

Your power symbol: Square

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I never used to worry about turning any birthday milestone. All that cliched 30 crap never occured to me. It was just a number.
But it hit me this year.
When I turned thirty, I thought it was just like still being in my twenties, or as good as anyway. Now I have leapt over that little turnstile and am rocketing towards forty.
Why do I still feel sixteen though?

Songs That Are Best Sung At The Top of the Lungs #1

2006-03-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

One of my favourite songs ever - "The Night They Drove Ol' Dixie Down"

Virgil Caine is my name and I drove on the Danville train
'til so much cavalry came and tore up the tracks again
In the winter of '65, we were hungry, just barely alive
I took the train to Richmond that fell
It was a time I remember, oh, so well

The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringin'
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singin'
They went, "Na, na, na, na, na, na, .... "

Back with my wife in Tennessee
And one day she said to me,
"Virgil, Quick! Come see!
There goes Robert E. Lee."
Now I don't mind, I'm chopping wood
And I don't care if the money's no good
Just take what you need and leave the rest
But they should never have taken the very best

The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringin'
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singin'
They went, "Na, na, na, na, na, na, ..... "

Like my father before me, I'm a working man
And like my brother before me, I took a rebel stand
Oh, he was just 18, proud and brave
But a yankee laid him in his grave
I swear by the blood below my feet
You can't raise a Caine back up when he's in defeat

The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringin'
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singin'
They went, "Na, na, na, na, na, na, ..... "

When I learn to eventually play the guitar, I swear this will be one of the first songs I will master.

Bah!

2006-03-22T09:28:00.000+08:00

Today's horoscope:

The Sun moves into your sign today making this your time in the Sun! There is always room for improvement and this is the very best time for making self improvements, changing attitudes and renewing your sense of Self. It really doesn't matter how you do it, so long as you do something other than let another opportunity slip by. It's actually a nice night for a small celebration with a loved one, especially if you go somewhere a little different.

Self-improvement? Change in attitude? Sense of self?
Give me a fucking break.
Here is how today's horoscopes could have been so much better:

The second season of Twin Peaks will be released on DVD.
Someone will come to your house tonight bearing martinis.
That gum you like is going to come back in style.
Veronica Mars and Arrested Development have season renewals.
Joss Whedon confirms Serenity 2 begins filming in 2007.
Mel will watch RENT and enjoy it. And you will never be doubted again.
The bag you want has come back in stock.
The three teams you like in TAR will be the final three. And Eric and Jeremy are eliminated in this week's episode.
Aimee Mann is going to tour Australia, and you will get front-row tickets.

Any of those would be preferable to self-improvement will lead to a change of attitude and therefore a greater sense of self. Barfing vegetarian burrito chunks as we speak.

Bugger!

2006-03-21T17:26:00.000+08:00

I hate it when you anticipate something, and it is denied to you.
I went to order the messenger bag I have wanted for a while that says "In Soviet Russia, Bag Carries You", only to find that it has sold out. So I then decided to get my second choice, Kill All Humans, knowing that although not as cool as my first choice, it would have the added benefit of pissing my mother off* (as she would not understand the Futurama reference, and would instead think that it was my personal call to arms). Alas, it has sold out as well.
Life is so unfair.

* Update: To console myself, I decided to share with my mother my story about the bag. As predicted, she was mightily offended by the slogan, and thought it was terrible that I would "want to carry around something with such an awful message". Should I be upset that she readily accepts the possibility that I would carry such a ringing endorsement without qualm, or just amused?

No Fatalities

2006-03-20T14:01:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, the highlight of the latest Amazing Race was not Eric and Jeremy's SUV rolling down a ravine and erupting into a beautiful explosion as their charring, smoking bodies turned to ash... oh, hello! Just got lost there for a moment.
The thing to love about TAR is that everytime you think they cannot find someone you can hate more than the last season's villains, they always find someone to take their place and ramp it up a little bit more. I thought I had reached my peak of loathing with Boston Rob and Subservient Amber in TAR7, but the Weaver Family came along to trump them in TAR8: The Family Edition (thereby proving that evil did not merely exist in pairs, but could also do so in fours). Although I disliked Boston Rob for his arrogance and Amber for her obsequiousness, the Weavers were even worse with their faux-Christian piety.
But Eric and Jeremy. Frat brothers to the core, with all the delightfully sexist and arrogant views that come along with them. The Weavers I could amost pity with their narrow-world views, Eric and Jeremy should just be taken out the back room and given lobotomies. And if they don't shape up, Dani and Danielle will be next. Just when I was about to give them credit for having brains enough to realise that racing around the world relying upon their looks and flirting to get men to do their tasks for them wasn't going to work (and admitting on camera that they were wrong to think so), they decide to shack up with the frat boys on the pitstop. Who would have known that the great pick-up line of "Your ass looks firm. Can I touch it?" would have great success with the ladies? I'm taking that one to my next Animal Lib meeting.
And girls, you can tell boys really respect you when they use "Did two girls wearing pink, and with really big boobs, come through here?" (appropriate gestures to illustrate such assets also used) to describe you to foreign taxi-drivers. All class.
This week's impossible task: 1500 sets of Russian nesting dolls, holding ten clues. You have to search each set until you find one. I would have been taking a sledgehammer to them. I don't think there was anything in the rules claiming that a sledgehammer could not be used. It would have saved a lot of unscrewing and screwing, that's for sure.
At least my top-three teams are still in the race. The Geeks, The Wonder Twins and The Gilmore Girls are still in it - although this episode was a two-parter and the conclusion is another week away... damn those extended legs. Although it is good for Wanda and Desiree, as they were in serious peril of elimination at one point due to Wanda's freak-out in the swimming pool.
Once again Desiree showed herself to be calm, forgiving and caring all at the same time, when I probably would have been reduced to screaming, "DIVE, WOMAN! DIVE! DIVE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DIVED BEFORE. IF WE LOSE, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DIIIIIIIIVE!"
And then some other person would have been bitching about my unacceptable behaviour on a blog.
For your perusal, this week's Desiree picture. With Glasses! Spunkiness quota increased tenfold.

On Seeing Syriana

2006-03-19T08:47:00.000+08:00

Conversation taking place over coffee (well, decaf for me, yerk!) after seeing Syriana (which was excellent by the way). Participants are me, Big Sister (BS) and Sister's Friend (SF):

Me: I was reading this interview and Clooney was saying that he ruptured his spine during the torture scene or something, and he now knew what his own brain and spine fluid tasted like... and I thought, well there's one thing George Clooney and I have in common.
BS: Yeah, it's a shame you don't have his good looks in common.
SF: Or his wealth.
BS: Or his talent. We could go on...
Me: No. You can stop now.

And they wonder why I have self-esteem issues...

Hiatus?

2006-03-18T08:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know where this blog disappeared to over the past few days, but apparently my sins have been cleared or whatever, because here I am. I am sure you have all missed my scintillating thoughts, or how my sister and I went to see Rent again, and we were the ONLY people in the cinema. How I excitedly said "We can sing along!", to which my sister said, "Uh, no, we can't.", and I replied, "You know, for someone whose favourite musical is about bohemian AIDS-sufferers living for the moment and taking life by the horns, you really don't share that passion and spirit of la vie boheme." And she looked at me and said, "Chairs are only for standing on when you are changing a lightbulb."
Yes, I know. But still, we had fun. Even though we copped it from the other members of our family who were aghast: "But you got the DVDs from America the day before! And you went to go and see it again? What a waste of money!"
But film is meant to be experienced on the big screen. And if it was still showing this week, I would probably go again. And I think my sister would as well. Even if she would grumble "You know, it was still better when I saw it on Broadway. I did tell you I saw it on Broadway, didn't I?"
She is cruel.

2006-03-15T18:26:00.000+08:00

Want. Now.

2006-03-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

Sam Neill, I have lost so much respect for you now that you have become a spokeswhore for the meat industry. I know you're losing sleep over my disdain, but, sheesh... did you need to take out another mortgage or something?

2006-03-14T08:01:00.000+08:00

Maybe not as exciting as if Serenity 2: More Serenity! had been announced, please let this be true - an end to Carnivale!
If it is, I will finally watch the second season, which I ended up boycotting because I couldn't handle another Twin Peaks situation.

It's That Time Again!

2006-03-12T06:36:00.000+08:00

N.B. Spoilers may be found within, as I do not have the patience with Channel 7 to deal with their erratic scheduling, and breaking up of episodes etc... so I have been ahem, obtaining the episodes as they air in the US. Plus, the fact that they never aired the eighth season...

With the family edition of literally ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS EVAH!!! LOL OMG BBQ SJP CSIRO, I made the never possible before distinction of having my favourite team from the starting episode make it all the way through the race and win the million. Yay, Team Linz!
(And boo, hiss! hypocritical Christian oxygen-wasting Weavers!)
There was a lot of criticism about the family edition, and granted, it wasn't the gem of the entire series, but I liked the majority of the contestants, and they made it worth watching. And the Weavers were villainous enough to make watching their downfall sadistically enjoyable. The main problem with the family edition was that they BARELY LEFT AMERICA. I can understand why this was so, with a cast of children included... but it felt more like a roadtrip than an AMAZING RACE.

So now we are three hours into the ninth season, and there are three teams I am rooting for (and thank you, image-capturing software!)

Dave and Lori. The self confessed geeks, they are impossibly cute and impossibly in love with each other, and even the hardened cynic that I am cannot help but love them for it. They honestly seem like my own kind of friends, and I think that is why I am so taken with them. At the moment they just seem like fans who want the experience, and want to have a fun time while they are doing it. And man, isn't it great to actually have a couple that support each other, and don't yell at each other or call names? Of course, because they are so nice they will probably be out next week. And I may cry. I think Phil will too, because there are so many dickheads in the race that will remain. (Yes Lake and Michelle, and Eric and Jeremy, I am talking about you!)

Ray and Yolanda. Another couple that actually seem to like each other. What's up with that? Thank the producers that we at least have Lake and Michelle around to remind us of the ugly side of coupledom, or I may have been reduced to trolling internet dating sites. Like Dave and Lori, they are competitive and smart, but they also are gracious about it. A major plus is that they are always good-humoured. I know it's early days in the race, and we have seen people Dr Jeckyll out on us before, but I think this lot I have chosen this year will remain pretty consistent.

And this brings me to my equal-first favourites, Wanda and Desiree. A mother daughter team, they are like a real-life Gilmore Girls, hence my love I guess. Desiree seems to have to keep an eye out for her mum, and shows a lot more patience, love and resilience than if I was racing around the world in highly stressful situations with my own mother. What I like about Wanda and Desiree is that you can tell that they have a genuine, loving relationship, just through the little gestures they show, the looks they give each other. And Desiree is a spunk.

So far, my three picks are still in it. Expect much wailing if any of them are out next week, and if Eric and Jeremy are not crushed by their SUV rolling down a cliff.

I had to include this screencap, as I felt it perfectly sums up the exhiliration of the pitstop - where relief and disbelief collide within the heart of the racer who feels they didn't make it, and Phil tells them that they are still in the race. Good times.

Hard 7s

2006-03-09T13:18:00.000+08:00

As tagged by Melly.

Seven Songs I am Listening to Right Now:

A Mistake - Fiona Apple. Always on constant rotation, but especially played whenever I am feeling a bit hard done by: i wanna make a mistake, why can't i make a mistake/ I'm always doing what i think i should/ almost always doing everybody good/ why/ do i wanna do right? of course/ but do i really wanna feel i'm forced to answer you/ hell no!

O'oh - Yoko Ono. Yes, that Yoko Ono. But ever since I heard this song recently it has been stuck in my head, and in an entirely pleasant way. You cannot help but twitch your booty appreciatively. And now I would like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.

Oliver's Army - Elvis Costello. With all the shit going on in the world, it is nice to have a nostalgic lookback at your old record collections and realise nothing has fucking changed since your days of high idealism. The world is out to crush you, kiddies! Don't believe in hope. This has been a public service announcement.

Goodbye Love - The Cast of Rent. Musicals are proof that any lyric can look naff on the page, but when combined with music and the power of vocals they can become the stuff of heartbreak. This song of confrontation, hope and dismissal is a masterpiece to listen to.

Halah - Mazzy Star. Mazzy Star make the best late night albums. When you listen to Hope Sandoval's voice you truly feel like she is singing for your benefit, and nobody else's. So atmospheric you really feel like you are in a rundown diner or bar at 2am with a whiskey and a cigarette your only friend - as you cry over how you were hard done by, or how you were hard upon somebody else.

My Sister - Juliana Hatfield. Anybody who has had a problematic worship/envy relationship with that perfect older sister/sibling that your parents hold to be the paragon to which you should aspire will automatically relate to this song. I once gave it to my sister and it took her roughly six years before she could finally admit that she kinda liked it and now recognised it was a song about love, despite everything.

Martha's Foolish Ginger - Tori Amos. Tori has the ability to make a simple lyric seem so beautiful, both as poetry without music and as portentous imagery in song: Through the cliffs out of the bay I went/ from the starboard side I could black my visions and my passions, they keep me awake/ if those harbour lights had just been half a mile inland, who knows what I would have done?

In other news, I broke my caffeine drought today and drank 1.25 litres of Coke. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzin'.
I heart caffeine. I don't think I can go back. If those bottles of Coke had just been half a mile inland, who knows what I would have done?

WTF???i

2006-03-06T12:29:00.000+08:00

Crash won Best Picture?
Crash???
Over Brokeback Mountain and Goodnight and Good Luck?
Fucking bullshit.

As Much as I Would Like To Believe I Have the Potential For Cold-blooded Killing...

2006-03-03T09:46:00.000+08:00

Maybe you could...
You scored 23% Cold and 58% Level-Headed!

In a pinch, you could do it, but you'd need a damn good reason to. And you're not going to be too happy afterward.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 8% on Cold
You scored higher than 42% on Level-Headed

Link: The Can You Kill a Man? Test written by notmarkflynn on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

E-Day

2006-03-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

I was already dreading today as it is the second anniversary of The Day I Found Out.
Then the news informed me that it is also the tenth anniversary of John Howard being in parliament.
This, my friends, is truly a Day Of Evil.

Could You Leave Me With a Scar?

2006-02-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

Now that I've put Missy Higgins in our heads...
Since I cut off all my hair (slightly unevenly) last week, my hair has been the shortest ever since the operation. I always kept it relatively Beatle-esque, and I realise why. Because when my hair is short the scar is noticable. Not too much of it, actually, for a scar that runs along three-quarters of your skull and around your ear, it is only a short bend in a mighty river. But what makes it noticable now is the fact that the short hair only accentuates where it sits because there is one tuft of hair that is seperated from the rest. And in between them is a line of pale white.
I found myself staring in the mirror at it for quite a while this afternoon. It was hypnotic, the way it kept directing my line of sight. Just one small patch of skin. I am not brooding over it, but it is strange how the body just keeps reminding you of something, even as you try to forget.

She's an Indie Rocker

2006-02-27T21:04:00.000+08:00

And she can play better than me at the moment. I like to imagine it is only because she has natural guitar picks on the end of her paws.

Four

2006-02-26T08:47:00.000+08:00

the Romantic
Test finished!

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value
myself.

Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy,
I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four

my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep
level

my ability to establish warm connections with people

admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

being unique and being seen as unique by others

having aesthetic sensibilities

being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four

experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

feeling guilty when I disappoint people

feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

expecting too much from myself and life

fearing being abandoned

obsessing over resentments

longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often

have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in
original games

are very sensitive

feel that they don't fit in

believe they are missing something that other people have

attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents'
divorce)

Fours as Parents

help their children become who they really are

support their children's creativity and originality

are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy

Discover the 9 Types of People

HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please RATE it :-)

You are not completely happy with the result?!

You chose BY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

CY (SIX)

BX (NINE)

BZ (FIVE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 26% on ABC
You scored higher than 53% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test" written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The Numb Stage

2006-02-24T14:34:00.000+08:00

I find myself lying on the couch during the day. Mazzy Star is on constant rotation, and I find myself longing for a cigarette. Even though I don't smoke. But Mazzy Star is the kind of music which insists that you should feel moody and be smoking cigarettes. I definitely have the moody thing going on, which is why Mazzy Star is on. It was either them or Aimee Mann's Lost In Space album, which if I had to pay a residual to her for everytime I play it she would have a pair of diamond-encrusted cowboy boots for every day of the week. Not that Aimee would wear diamond-encrusted cowboy boots - she's classy. And she will smite mine enemies.
To top it all off, I received an emergency request for a study guide that has to completed within two weeks. I need the money, so I took it. Unfortunately, it is for a book by one of my many nemesisisisisis - a local author who is younger than me and published and critically acclaimed. Bastard. I do like the book, I am just insanely jealous he has managed to finish a novel AND get published AND get critically acclaimed. Maybe if I spent less time fighting caffeine withdrawal and listening to moody music and wishing I smoked and blogging about such important matters as "Why do I like the blue M+Ms the best, when, really, the candy coating tastes the same for each colour?" then I would finish a novel one day.
I think the only thing to get me through the weekend will be my new mobile arriving on Monday. Then I can video call Melly and she can see how junkie-like I currently look.

The Face of Evil

2006-02-23T10:18:00.000+08:00

I have sunk so low that if I was a smoker I would be picking other people's butts out of a public ashtray.

Tips for what NOT to do when suffering from caffeine withdrawal #21

2006-02-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

(in case you missed #20, you should NOT watch 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter and find it pleasantly amusing)

You should never, in the sweating, shaking spasms that come with the withdrawal process, and in the midst of a 40 degree day suddenly think to yourself "Do you know what my problem is? There is TOO MUCH HAIR ON MY HEAD!!!"

Because before you know it, the scissors on the coffee table suddenly turn around and reply "You know what, old chap, that is absolutely correct!"

You ignore the fact that your scissors normally don't talk to you (they're snobbish that way), and exclaim, "Damn straight!"

"How hard could it be?" the scissors chuckle, trying to contain the evil cackle inherent in their tone. "After all, hairdressers do it everyday..."

And before you know it, you find yourself in the bathroom, the scissors in your right hand and the first lock of hair in your left. You don't even stop to think about it.

SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPP.

"OH, CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

The scream echoes around the neighbourhood as you realise your ghastly mistake, and the big chunk that is missing out of your hair and slightly exposing your Frankenstein's Monster scar (because you are still lucid enough to be able to distinguish between the fact that most people still mistake the term Frankenstein for the monster's name, rather than his creator's. Stupid people, don't they pick up a book now and again?).

"You can't stop now." the scissors say.

And you know they are right. You cut and cut and cut and cut and hope to hell this is all going to turn out somehow and thinking that this is your family's fault anyhow if they would just leave you alone and let you have your fucking coffee because for god's sake it's not like you have any other vices except maybe for books and DVDs but jeebus it's not like you drink or smoke or take cocaine so would it really be that bad if you have a cup of coffee and a coke every now and again and oh shit aren't you meant to be meeting your sister for breakfast tomorrow morning this was the wrong day to pull a stunt like this but hey you're only 16 30 and you're meant to do stupid stuff like this and so what if she shakes her head in that way of hers and wonders how you turned out the way you did and how could we be related but we must be because we look exactly the same and oh fuck this is not getting any better!

It helps if you do not have blonde hair with long roots, because when you snip off some off the hair you end up looking like the guy playing Rum-Tum-Tugger in Cats. By the end of it you're thinking it's really NOT THAT BAD if you didn't cut so close to the scalp in some parts and ended up looking like you have five random bald spots.

So don't do this. Learn from my example. Just have a fucking coffee.

Yes, I am a tragic romantic destined to die in a gutter

2006-02-21T10:57:00.000+08:00

You're Les Miserables!

by Victor Hugo

One of the best known people in your community, you have become
something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all
manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few
brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come
from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing
vendettas.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Withdrawal

2006-02-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

(And I'm not speaking about Tony Abbott's preferred contraceptive method*)
I used to drink a level of caffeine that would have made the Gilmore Girls faint in terror at the thought of that much ingestion. And in an effort to try to convince my family that I am serious about trying to get well despite the fact that I will not start eating meat I have told them that I would go cold turkey on caffeine, as caffeine inhibits iron intake, and at last count my iron level was 5.2
This is why I haven't been posting in a while. Because I have been one cranky, suicidal, homicidal, son-of-a-bitch. I have had the shakes, the sweats, irritability, you name it... okay, so I have these traits all the time - but now I finally have an excuse for them.
Case in point: My sister called in today. She said I didn't look well. I replied No shit. She said Is there anything I can do for you? I replied You could supply me with an IV filled with coffee, stat! She laughed. I snapped I'm being serious, you insufferable cow! She drove off, still laughing.
I dreamed of coffee last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a giant coffee cup. It was the best dream I have ever had in my life. Even better than the time... I'll stop there.
I am even getting grumpy at the smallest things. While listening to the Rent soundtrack today when they got to the line about measuring their lives by cups of coffee, I found myself crying out I can't even measure my life by cups of coffee! My life is over!
At the moment it feels like it. Give me caffeine, or give me death.

* (I have officially grossed myself out now) And that picture above makes baby Robert cry.

Take My Love, Take My Land

2006-02-16T17:48:00.000+08:00

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and don't enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Serenity (Firefly)

100%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

94%

Moya (Farscape)

88%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

88%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

81%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

75%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

69%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

69%

SG-1 (Stargate)

56%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

50%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

50%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

22%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Woohoo! Three of my faves in the top three.
I am such a rebel.

I Heart Ellen

2006-02-15T19:11:00.000+08:00

In this weary, grief-stricken world it is always good to know that at noon every week day I can be guaranteed a good hour of hearty laughs.
While my record collection may make some question whether I am truly a lesbian trapped in a man's body, the knowledge that I have always loved Ellen will do nothing to quell such disquieting accusations.
I just like wordy, mouthy, opinionated people. And when they are witty and quirky to boot, it is even better.
Ellen DeGeneres could read the classified section and I would still laugh myself silly.
In fact, I think that come noon in my street the neighbours begin closing the windows, to drown out the cackles from the local Boo Radley.

2006-02-14T07:37:00.000+08:00

Coffee With My Sister

2006-02-13T18:26:00.000+08:00

Her: I was just thinking... perhaps you should start eating meat again.
Me: I'm sorry? I think I just blacked out there and hallucinated. Did you say something?
Her: Funny. I was just thinking if you wanted to be serious about getting better...
Me: I haven't eaten animals for the past sixteen years due to ethical objections... and you think I will start again just like that?
Her: So, that's a no then?
Me: Ten-four, daddio.

I know everybody wants me to be well. I want to be well. But not with the cost of morals that have been part of more than half my life now. Then I would just be like those models who would rather go naked than wear fur, but then wear fur next winter fashion season. Fur-wearing skanks with no morals.

Why is it that some people think you can, or should, just give up one of your firm-set beliefs so easily? Is it because they don't believe in anything themselves?

Blood and Death and Gore, Oh My!

2006-02-13T09:35:00.000+08:00

Yay for the return of television!
CSI began again last night, and we finally got to see the rescue of poor Nicky Stokes. But I have to say, Tarantino directing was a disappointment. The dream/hallucination sequence Nick had of his own autopsy while buried alive was one of the laziest pieces of writing ever seen, and was jarringly out of context to the rest of the episode. Which is a shame, as the rest of the episode was excellent.
And tonight, Lily Rush is back! Scoff all you like, motherchuckers, but Lily Rush owns you all.